They’d run me outta here faster than a nukular particle accelerator. But I can’t just go creating a loophole the size of the Grand Canyon for you. “Well, if I did, I’d try to love him like I do you. But they got laws, so they tell me.” The two men stared at each other. “Be simpler,” Cranch said, “to shoot the sumbitch. “Wouldn’t it be simpler just to impeach him?” Dexter said. “How’d you like to go down in history as the president who caused a constititutional amendment keeping presidents from having more than one term? I’d call that a serious humiliation, far as a legacy goes.” That self-righteous cocksucker just vetoed my shrimp boat building initiative in Pascagoula.”ĭexter said, “What good is denying him a second term? From what I hear, he doesn’t even want a second term.” Personally, I wish I could vote for it twice. According to my whip count, it’s got over sixty-eight votes in the Senate. Bussy Filbrick says it’s gonna sail through the House faster than shit through a goose. Hell, the Presidential Term Limit Amendment just got voted out of committee. Maybe he got a little temporary uptick from the Cartwright thing, but he’s a long way from winning any beauty contests. As for Don Veto, I wouldn’t worry none about his popularity ratings. “If it comes to that,” Clem said, “I don’t have a whole lot of quote-unquote confidence in the American people. Donald Vanderdamp-who has brought incompetence and dishonor to the office of the President-he has better numbers than us.” “Have you seen the latest polls? Do you know what percent of the American people have quote-unquote high confidence in the Senate?” Hollywood President become a mission of mercy on behalf of the U.S. A sitting senator on a popular prime-time TV show, dynamically playing President of the United States.” “Will you walk with me, Clem? Will you take a few steps with me?” No wonder young people don’t want to go into politics these days.” And the next thing you know you’re being trampled into the ground by the Four Horseman of the Ethicalypse. “I consider my family part of my war chest, Clem. “I thought the money was going to your war chest.” “You devote your entire life to public service… your whole life… and an opportunity comes along to do something good for your family, a little money-” We get into more pissin’ matches over that goddamned word honorarium.”ĭexter stood before a window, looking at his presidential-yes-reflection. “Then what in tar hell is it? And don’t you tell me it’s an honorarium. Over and out.”Ĭranch slammed his fist on his desk. senator wants to lift the image of the entire government and maybe make a little walking-around money on the side…” “With all the dire things going on in the world right now… the economic situation, Texas about to mine its border with Mexico, these Russian submarines snooping off our shores like great white sharks, TV judges on the Supreme Court… and you’re all bent out of shape because a U.S. Try Googling ‘ethics’ and ‘Congress,’ see how many matches you get.” No one expects ethics in the Congress, anyway. “Well, whatever it is, it ain’t a toilet, and you ain’t about to take a crap in it.” “That’s a fine thing to say to the Ethics chair.” “Dex, I don’t care if it goes for a McMuffin in McLean, for Vegas hookers, or for cleft palate surgery for kids in the damn Congo. You think I’m getting into this so I can move to McLean and build myself some forty-thousand-square-foot McMansion? This money-all of it-is going into my war chest.” I don’t give a rat’s ass about the money. “Listen, Clem-and this is strictly between us. “Whenever people tell me ‘There’s all sorts of dimensions to’ something, it always boils down to one-money.” Look, Clem, there’s all sorts of dimensions to this thing.” “I’m not talking about C-SPAN, for God’s sake. “Yes, Clem, I have, and I think the people of Connecticut would be proud to see their senator on TV.” How’s that gonna look on the front page of the Washington Post? How’s it gonna look back in Hartford? You think of that?” “That’s one-third of a Senate salary, Dex. For starters I’d only be pulling down, you know, fifty grand,” he lowered his voice, “per episode. “Now that’s only a best-case scenario, like if the series goes into syndication. “Dexter, you’d need a mine shaft to hide that kinda income.”ĭexter made a dismissive gesture. “It’s not like I’m trying to hide income.” “I just honestly don’t see the problem, Clem,” Dexter said. Cranch kept shifting in his chair and doing things with his mouth as if he were a recent recipient of oral surgery. The meeting was not going to Dexter’s satisfaction. Cranch was Chairman of the Senate Ethics Committee, almost never referred to as “the powerful Senate Ethics Committee.” On Capitol Hill, Senator Dexter Mitchell was having an officially unofficial meeting with his old friend Senator Clement Cranch of the great state of Mississippi.
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